I believe in the American dream

My family is from Cuba. Things were going well for them until the revolution and the new leadership under Fidel Castro. My grandparents sacrificed all they had to make enough money and stick it threw until there number was up. With freedom to leave their country, my grandparents, uncle, aunt and dad left all their belongings and arrived to the land of opportunity with nothing but a change of clothes.

Inspiring isn't it?

I am proud of this strong will my family had on both sides to not settle and yearn for prosperity. I am proud of the fellow immigrant families I know are naturalized citizens of America and went from nothing to success in a new country.

I feel like this spirit transcends and transforms through generations. I feel like I am going through the same uncharted territories.

Except by uncharted territories I mean college.

My father dropped out sophomore year, my mom went straight to work, my aunts took a few courses. My uncle was the only one to complete college and it took him some while. This trend continues down to my age group. Of my six older cousins, one has dropped out, one is somewhere in his studies, one is temporarily not in college because his career is doing well, one is a year older than me and on a path to graduation. I have only one cousin to have successfully finished college but not yet in med school as he had planned. I have a younger cousin who is a freshman in college.

I hate to blame any misfortunes I have on others but in some ways I feel slighted. Just like I did in high school, I have made some mistakes in college. Mistakes I made because of lack of guidance.

I wish sometimes I could have some piece of wisdom from my parents about how college GPA works, scholarships, scheduling aims, goals, things of that nature. Instead I feel like I must pioneer my way through and learn the hard way and impart some knowledge on to my sister so she can someday not feel as I do.

College is tricky. You think everything is okay and your main concern is adjusting and keeping yourself from being overwhelmed. You underestimate how grades do not come as easy as high school and what seems like an easy balance of affairs both academic, work and personal become a doomed domino tumble.

As a sophomore I feel as if I am in a hole trying desperately to pull my way out. I never had to work too extremely hard in high school because the set up and my own intelligence worked together and I graduated with second honors (second because of a scheduling mishap freshman year which would later cost me).

I am quite blind. I have somehow scheduled the proper amount of credits necessary, taken enough mass communication classes which puts me ahead and making decent grades this year. Sounds great right? Not enough. Because I didn't do so hot freshman year and accounting absolutely destroyed me, I have to fight so hard to get near the GPA necessary to even apply to the Manship School.

I have worked ever since I could, even before I could. I have done well in school. I worked for the University newspaper and news radio. I want a profession in Public Relations. I yearn for security, a family, a career, and happiness. I feel so far away from my goals because college seems like one huge maze I am in alone with a certain predestined fail looming on my shoulders.

In these times I need to remember my roots. I need to remember people made lives of nothing. Family members did what they had to do to live the life they wanted. They didn't stop for anything. This gives me strength to not stop before I am done with college.

I will pull up my GPA, I will make it into the Manship School. I will do better.

"' Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free'" -Emma Lazarus.

I believe in the American dream.

Quando piove, diluvia

Sto risconstrado la settimana horible.

Miercoledi ho guidato a Smoothie King per smoothie prima guidato alla scuola. Ho la messo en nel supporto di tazza y ho guardo su e la maccina avanti io ha fermato. Ho frenato ma no nel tempo.

Voglio una macchina perche no ho. Voglio un macchina per la scuola e lavorare. No ho la moneta. Dopo nuovo anno io lavaro in il ristorante.

Non c'e' male. Sono male.

Mi amiche e io vogliamo parlare e siamo uscire. No non abbiamo tempo...

La mia zia sarà un intervento chirurgico domani.

Chris e io usciamo Saturday durante il gioco. Noi mangiamo e vediamo un buon film.

Its been one..year?

It's been awhile since I wrote a blog.

Not too long ago I was involved in a huge argument with someone I love. We are so blind and in a state of denial most of the time causing us not to see the problems we have before us. In our argument started the night before, leaving me feeling very uneasy about the future. I woke up the next morning feeling the worst I have felt in some time and when he tried to hug me that day, I couldn't even be touched. Its not until there is a confrontation for me to see the little things which contributed to the fire.

Fighting was the best plan of action for us. It took us letting out every frustration we had with the other in a calm manner, leaving room for discussion and compromising, to get over everything. Without a confrontation, things continually snowball until you are hit with an avalanche. At least this brought about a sense of awareness to our relationship and opened me up to see how he feels. I started out feeling as if there was an 85% chance we were breaking up a day before our anniversary on the 11th but after we fought and made up all in a few hours, I was sure we were stronger than ever.

Even though we have known each other for two years and dated for a year, I am continually finding little things about him I haven't noticed and we aren't tired of each other. We are friends with each others friends and his friends are friends with my girls as well. Its so funny how he can tell a story with so much enthusiasm and how loving he is.

For our anniversary I gave him a photo album with my favorite poem in the front and song quotes besides the pictures. I also gave him a Post Secret book with my own Post Secrets in it. He gave me roses in a vase, a beautiful pearl necklace and a mixed CD with great artists such as Queen and Boston.


Stasera,
Mary

Theatre of life

A wise man said Life is a stage
Then we are all marionettes
Spun by a creator

Our lives are but a tragedy and a comedy
Twist and turns of conflict and strife
Add drama to our lives

Awkward looks from a stranger
A comfortable glance from a lover
Day to day pleasantries carry us scene to scene

An emancipation, an extradition, a revolution
All is love in war and war in love
Opiate of the masses sedates into a coma

Blackouts lose sight
Losing touch, curtains close
Fate diverges and intersects

In a clash of events
Hate spills, discord disperses, lust impregnates
Only Hope remains

Hopes and Expectations

I'm not one for making goals and sticking to them but at least it helps me visualize how much work I still have in front of me.

1. Finish Chris' anniversary gift.
2. Get some reading done for Sociology/Political Science
3. Watch Goodbye Lenin
4. Deeply review Italian, mostly the grammer and vocabulary I skipped out on.
5. Write a blog in Italian
6. Save money for Europe and moving out
7. Get a game plan for working this summer at a second job.
8. Talk to Professor Shipka about minor
9. Make plans to visit Monica during winter break
10. Research to see if any of my favorite bands are coming close any year soon
11. Get a new haircut in about 6 weeks. I have bangs that swoop to the side but they used to also have the option of going straight down. I want both options and maybe all one length, take out the excessive layering. Somewhat like this haircut...
12. Pick up my disaster of a room
13. Buy foreign movies, especially Roberto Begnini's movies.
14. Find some form of exercise. I now weigh 3 pounds more than my max weight (110). I have been eating a little better but I still drink coffee drinks like mocha cremices and I eat ice cream and don't exercise often.

After seeing Whip It! I am inspired to lace up some four wheel skates. I don't like to workout in a gym, I prefer tennis or something outdoors and not boring. But I really want to try skating for the work out and improve coordination.

Ciao ragazzi!
Mary

I believe I can see the future, because I repeat the same routine

As every other college student, I can say I'm stressed. The rainy weather easily makes me depressed. When I am depressed I become a little antisocial.

All of this combines with big load of issues...

First of all, consider your opinions that infringe on the personal lives of others. I am content. My choice may not be what you choose but the difference is it is my life and in the end I live with my decisions, not you. If you are right and they are bad choices, I will figure it out the hard way. That's fine. At least then it will because I came to that conclusion, not because you came to that conclusion for me. This goes out to two people, somewhat a third, I have loved all my life and still love. It hurts me worse when it is people I love who tell me things that shouldn't be said, especially in certain company. Simple politeness would have made me feel just a little bit different.

Secondly, I found out some heavy, disturbing news about an EXTREMELY close relative of mine. At first I took it in stride, cautioning myself to really think about it before I made a decision about it. This morning my friend and I both exchanged hard news about our families. Because it was an exchange, my news had no affect on me because I was so involved in her story. Later I started to speak to my friend Claire about the first issue and then this second issue came about. I lost it.

I lost it in that I let myself get the better of me. I was already feeling pretty low which made myself extremely vulnerable to bad situations. All the issues I have in the back of my head became extremely relevant. I find myself knowing in a few years I will have to take control of something I should not have to be involved in until i am in my late 40s. My family member will need me in many, many ways. Those ways are extremely difficult and complicated. I began to foresee the future in my head. Everything began to snowball and reality truly reared its ugly head today.

Ice cream can't help, Lexapro can't and Pandora just further pissed me off. A usually light conversation with a friend finally made me confront issues I did not want to and it made them even more extreme with this latest piece of news.

I walk around with a facade. Only the people I love (family, friends, boyfriend) really know my secrets and the full extent of problems like these. If you saw me just now, you would pass me up, judging me, thinking I looked like a college kid time warped in a middle school height with eyes that say a thousand words but only to a few.

If I could go for a drive, I would. If I could fight someone, I would. If I could cry, I would. If I could hug, I would.

I can always count on writing to alleviate some pain.



P.S. I am trying to figure out who reads this blog besides Alyssa, Sarah and occasionally Chris. So leave me a comment (it could just say M or something) to give me an idea. If yall care...

wishes and dishes

Dishes

My aunt Monica was in town and she bought me a face cream from L'Occitane. I love their products because I have extremely sensitive skin and they have a wonderful hypo-allergenic line. I used to buy the face moisturizer (a little pricey). I also use their no rinse make up remover ($7-very cheap). Recently I bought Stilla tinted moisturizer to get the most bang out of my buck since I wear little foundation anyways. The tinted moisturizer didn't do much to help my dry skin out.

Monica bought me this face cream from L'Occitane. I love it! It also works well when I put my tinted moisturizer on right after. It is $53 but so far to me it is worth it and it will go a long way.


Monica also bought me some more Effaclar from a spa in Florida. This is a great acne wash. On this web site it is $19.95 and free shipping.


http://www.dermstore.com/product_Effaclar+Purifying+Foaming+Gel_1497.htm

Wishes

I listen to a wide array of bands and artists. There are a couple of CD's I really want to buy. And I don't have an IPOD (and my sister "lost" her old one) so i need to invest in one, especially since my car radio never ever works.

The first CD I am really want to buy is Muse's Resistance. I really like their sound, their creativity, their music, pretty much everything about them. I would love to see them live. Amazon gives you the option getting on the list ahead of the September 24th debut and having it shipped to you in short time.

Another CD I want to buy is If by Mindless Self Indulgence, MSI. I love their music especially when I am in a bad mood. It makes me happy. Many of their songs are sexually saturated but in a comical way. I love their songs Never Wanted to Dance, Shut Me Up, Issues and Get it up. I want to get this CD.

Another CD I want to buy is Marilyn Manson's Lest we Forget. It is Brian Warner's (Marilyn Manson) compilation of their greatest hits. It has his cover of Personal Jesus, Sweet Dreams, Mobscene and The Beautiful People on it. It has many of my favorites songs by him. I defend my affinity for Marilyn Manson. I think he is incredibly misinterpreted by people, misunderstood and under appreciated it. He is a legendary shock artist, he is extremely intelligent (look up an interview with him), and he is not a minister in the house of Satan. I repeat he is not a satanist. Don't believe me, read his autobiography. I did. You have a whole new perspective on him afterward and understand why Brian Warner became Marilyn Manson and you find yourself agreeing with him on certain issues.

I also want to buy the Italian movie Johnny Stecchino (toothpick Johnny). The Italian legend Roberto Begnini plays in it and directs it I believe. It also stars his wife Nicoleta. It is a true comedy filled with tons of situational irony. I also love his movie Life is Beautiful.


I also want a Boondock Saints T-shirt. I regret not getting the shirt my friend Claire has. There are so many I like. Here is one
http://www.boondockstore.com/Merchant2/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=B&Product_Code=210-01-1016&Attributes=Yes&Quantity=1

I hope when I am an adult I have a beautifully decorated house. I want to have plenty of natural lighting, antique furniture (which I already have a lot of) and nice accents. I am obsessed with these Napoleon bee bathroom towels from Ballard designs. I plan on getting these.